OVERWEIGHT MAN EATS LARGER PORTION OF MEAL THAN ANTICIPATED

When Daniel Rogers arrived at his near-by Cracker-barrel late Sunday morning, he knew this wasn't going to be an average, everyday meal. That is to say, it wasn't going to be a physically fit man's average, everyday meal.

For more than 32 years now, Daniel has been eating larger portions than most men his height. This is no small feat, especially in the health conscious world that America has strived for the last 30 some-odd years.

"I've never seen myself as a follower," Rogers said while dipping a corn chip in gravy and hot sauce. "No nutritionist should be allowed to say what is physically fit and what is morbidly obese."

Rogers had already finished three scrambled eggs, two slices of ham, four strips of bacon, and three Belgian waffles when his waitress, Carla Reynolds, came by and asked him if he was ready for the check.

"I was absolutely shocked," said Rogers after sucking leftover gravy hot sauce off his plate with an over-sized Daffy Duck straw. "To assume that I was ready to stop eating is extremely presumptuous and intolerant.

"What if I was diabetic and need blood sugar, or insulin, or whatever diabetic people use, and more food was the only way to keep me from having a stroke? She could have killed me. Right?"

After declining the check, Rogers ordered a Denver Omelet and a sampler. Thwarted in her quest, Reynolds placed her customer's order and delivered his food in a timely fashion, attempting to table the issue.

"I admit now that I was wrong," Reynolds would later reveal. "I absolutely overstepped my boundaries and, from this day on, will never assume a guest is done eating simply because he's completed a well-balanced meal."

The rest of Rogers's breakfast continued without incident, and, after digesting a cinnamon roll 45 minutes later, politely asked for his check, along with a to-go order of 5 silver dollar pancakes.

Despite all of the ugliness that occurred at his local eatery, Rogers vows that this incident would not hinder him from making future visits to the popular breakfast chain.

"Hey, things happen," Rogers said while removing part of a stick of butter from his Tabasco-stained moo-moo. "If I stopped eating at every restaurant that prematurely asked me if I was finished with my meal, I would would be a much thinner man. No one wants that."